There is a theme here. I am finally at that moment when I realize I have no goal, I have no plan, and now I have no focus. I am trying like crazy to focus on quality not quantity, process not product, but since it is so nebulous and somewhat objective, it is hard to even chat about it with anyone who is not going through the same thing.
I have been trying to follow my own advice about being patient, about being smart and listening to my body and not over training, I have been trying hard NOT to obsess about what I think I should be doing, but it seems to be leading me back to this place of uncertainty and vagueness that is not very motivating.
I am not a patient person. I should still be focusing on my 10K and 5K running goals, but I realized last night the importance of a running coach or group or person to be accountable to. I know just enough to be able to write my own plan, but I also need to talk through it. I have a journal and I have tried to keep track and jot down how I felt, but a journal does not offer advice, encouragement, or words of wisdom, and more importantly, a journal does not make me accountable. No accountability = no focus.
I am working on the quality of my movement and positioning in the gym, to prepare for more rigorous training when I figure out what my goal is. Althugh that is very important in the long run, after years of being conditioned to think hard work equals hard effort; after years of hearing things like “when you run something is always going to hurt”, and continuing to work through overuse injury, and training for months at a time for races, it is making me feel uneasy to have no long term goal right now. And my personal trainer is not my running coach.
So I am trying to figure out where to go from here:
- I want and need a running coach-someone to be accountable to, someone to keep me focused even when there is no specific goal
- I need to be able to talk things through with someone who is passionate about running
- I want someone who understands that I want to improve and compete, but also understands how and when to push me and when to back off
If you have a virtual coach you recommend, I would love to hear from you! Meanwhile, I will work on staying healthy, injury free, and keep running.