Something I am working on in recent weeks is trying to manage my expectations. Because I am a control freak and I thrive on consistency, I am sometimes frustrated when things don’t go the way I expect them to go. I would make a terrible baseball player-pitchers would have a field day with me. I usually have a pre-conceived idea or vision of the way I would like things to go, at work, at the gym, and in life in general, and I usually try to ensure my goals are met by controlling as much as I can control in an effort to pave the way to success. The trouble with this is my sometimes ridiculously high expectations. I have high expectations for myself which means I also have high expectations of others; when my expectations aren’t met, I am disappointed. Unfortunately, I am really bad at “going with the flow.” I am terrible at relaxing and I am struggling to find a balance between achieving goals and enjoying life.
Success is not necessarily tied to achievement.”
What I also know is the only thing within the realm of my real control is my reaction to people, events and situations, which means I am setting myself up for disappointment. Because it is so difficult for me to speak up in a group or be around new people in new situations or speak up and receive an unexpected response or reaction, the only way I can control that awkward, uncomfortable anxiety is to think carefully about whether I want to speak. And pretty much most of the time I will choose to keep quiet. I have a lot to say, but it is easier to say nothing. I feel like this is taking a step backwards, but for now, this is my way of controlling my environment. Right now the reward is not worth the risk. Right now I need to control what I can control.
I am hopeful that getting back to my running routine will give me some much needed time, space and confidence I seem to be lacking at the moment. If I can’t speak up and advocate for myself and my beliefs, my strengths and my talents, I will continue to struggle with expectations. It is definitely an art; as I strive to be the best version of myself I have to remember not everyone is in my world and that what is important to me may not even be on the radar for the people I associate with in my day to day life. I need to do a better job managing my expectations.