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Starting Over

Change is harder than I thought it would be. I want it to be easy and I want to be perfect at it. I hate making mistakes and not knowing how to do stuff; it feels awkward and uncomfortable, and yet, that is when the learning happens.

Great things never came from comfort zones.”

 

Confidence comes from knowing something inside and out, from feeling it in your bones, from breathing it and living it without having to think about every move. Confidence has been replaced by a sense of uneasiness and insecurity.

I may be picking up where I left off, but I am starting over. Everything I thought I knew has been challenged and broken down into its most basic parts so that I can become better, but I am starting over.

Everything I thought I was good at really doesn’t matter in my quest to become stronger, and faster, it only helped me get me here.

I am defintely outside of my comfort zone for the first time in a very long time, and I am trying not to blow it. I am physically ready and capable of almost any challenge that is thrown at me, but mentally I am struggling to keep my focus on the learning, so I do not get distracted by doubt and insecurity. It is hard to stay focused with the background noise in my head.

Like that kid in gym class when the teacher or coach demonstrates how to serve the volleyball, and then gives everyone their instructions, I am so worried about where to stand, how to hold my hand, how high to toss the ball, how hard to hit the ball-I completely miss the instructions. I can’t focus on the instructions if I am too worried about messing up in front of the class.

I would not want to go back to the way things were before, but I underestimated how hard change would be.

The only thing that is a constant is change.”

 

 

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