Lately I have been thinking more about my age-not in a bad way, but in a relative way. Many of the people I run with and work out with are young enough to be my kids. For a few years now I have not really thought much about it, but since my youngest daughter got married I find myself being a little more self conscious about my age. I have been assured it is irrelevant, but some days I just feel old-er.
Lately it seems whenever I go out with a group of people when I look around the table I am the oldest person at the table. Or in the room.Lately I find myself thinking, “What the heck am I doing?”
I like to live on the edge and I like to challenge myself physically and mentally, always going a million miles an hour. I don’t often put things in perspective-for me, there is little time to look back at accomplishments, struggles and failures because I am planning my next big adventure.
This year I decided to cut back on the number of races I signed up for, and decided to focus on middle distance and do a little snowshoe running and trail running. I have still already run 12 races with another 4-6 races planned. I stopped recording every run in RunKeeper, and I have still managed to accumulate almost 400 miles-and that includes taking nearly 8 weeks off due to a sprained ankle.
I also added a third strength and conditioning day to my schedule this year and I have learned how to literally lift tons of weight.
But I am not in my 20’s anymore,or my 30’s. I am not even in my 40’s. My husband thinks some of what I do is downright foolish. I suppose I could go for walks by the beach, or go row a boat somewhere, but when I look at some other people my age who are not doing what I am doing I think, “Man, they look old.”
Yes, lately I am sore some days when I roll out of bed. Yes, I am sore some nights when I crawl into bed. Yes, some days I feel as if maybe I ran too fast, I ran too far, or I lifted too much, but do not make me feel like I can’t do it any more. I am not in my 20’s, or 30’s or even my 40’s any more.
Lately I have had self-doubt which is the worst thing to have when you are trying to accomplish your goals.