I have had enough. Insecurity and self doubt have given way to negativity and snakes-the kind of snakes that once let loose take forever to wrangle up and put away safely. I know what I am supposed to do- I am supposed to be positive and have a mantra, and rehearse how I want things to be. I am supposed to visualize myself running strong and fast, and I am supposed to be happy and mindful and be grateful. I am supposed to be all of this AND eat healthy, sleep well, smile, and act happy with my effort and the process.
It should be simple, but I have made everything so complicated. My first thought today was, “I bet nobody gives Bill Belichick a hard time about his practice plan.”
And yet here I am again going back to what got me in trouble in the first place-questioning everything and needing an explanation for everything. I have read books and articles and blogs, and watched videos, and have pretty much uncovered every running training philosophy that has ever existed.The only problem is in my efforts to read and learn everything I can about my training, I have neglected a very important piece of the puzzle-and that is my reality.
So I am done with the books and reading, and I am done with the questioning. I chose to work with a strength and conditioning coach to help me accomplish my goals. I made my decision carefully, knowing that running was a big part of my fitness life, and knowing that my coach is not a runner. In my attempt to hang onto the past I am trying to force my old routine into my new life.
I was reading (big surprise there) about emotional triggers, and race training definitely falls into that category. In order to create new routines and new habits, I am going to have to ditch some of the old routines and habits or I will never be able to get the snakes back into the cage.
There are some simple things I am going to try in the next few weeks to see if I can get a grip on my race season craziness:
First, I am going to stop recording my running mileage. Recording miles means comparing my present running life to my past running life and that just adds to my self doubt.
Second, I am going to focus on my pre- running routine and skill work-making it a new running habit.
Third, I am going to stop questioning the coaching moves. I am going to pretend Bill Belichick is my coach and just “DO MY JOB.”
And lastly, for now, with Bill Belichick in mind, I am going to act more like a team player which is a nice thing to say but will be a pretty good challenge for me. If I am focusing less on myself, maybe my insecurity and self doubt won’t take over my life, and I’ll be able to DO MY JOB.