This month is all about getting back to business, but it is also all about building confidence, and right now, I am struggling to find just one thing to give me my confidence back. Going back to the gym means essentially starting over, lifting lighter weights, and making sure not to “overdo” it. It has been several months since I have really done anything that makes me feel strong. I am trying to convince myself that I am getting stronger in spirit, and stronger at life, but it is not the same as lifting 175lbs for multiple reps.
It is “Pull-up Month” at the gym. But, nope, even though I can do pull-ups, chin-ups, whatever you call them, I shouldn’t do them because it might tweak my elbow. Another confidence crusher.
I discovered I was doing kettle bell cleans wrong and my traps were a mess for a week, now I am re-learning cleans and pushups. Confidence crusher.
I used to have my running-at least-to feel good about, and now, even that is a pretty distant memory. If I run 5 miles a week that is pushing it.
I know in my brain I am in a base building phase and working on technique, but since I don’t really know how exactly my technique looks it is not really doing much for my self esteem.
I am struggling to stay patient and stay engaged and trust in the process but I need something to feel good about again.